If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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