Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
