Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
