dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
