Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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