Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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