I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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