Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
