I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
