Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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