Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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