I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
