I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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