When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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