After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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