I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
40s are totally the cure
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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