So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize