4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize