Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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