why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
sex in a hospital.. check
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
