I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
