you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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