:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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