So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
