Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
