I puked a lego.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
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The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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