i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
