Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
