I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Reggie can tackle my bush.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
