god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
