I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
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DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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