In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
