mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
