Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
