It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
