now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
