remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
