WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
