Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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