Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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