She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
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You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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