I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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