True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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