you guys were way drunker than both of me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
