i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
