i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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