I hate all girls vehemently.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
