remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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