Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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