Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
