Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
