I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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