Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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