I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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