You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I believe in your delicious
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
