I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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