I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
