Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
