happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
