I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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