Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
